Tag Archives: race

Colour-Agnostic

21 Jun

My 7-year-old children aren’t colour-blind. They are, however, race-blind.

The other day, my daughters asked to watch the video of Madonna’s performance of the song Vogue from the 1990 MTV awards. I’m all about making sure my kids are well-versed in the pop music of 1980s. I mentioned to them that the video was from my childhood, which prompted M to ask whether Madonna was a mommy. I looked up the answer and informed my daughters that the superstar has two daughters and two sons. Two of her children were adopted (from Malawi) and two were biological. We looked at photos, and I noticed that the younger son and daughter had dark skin while the older kids were fair skinned. J offered up that she thought that the daughters had come from Madonna’s belly and that the sons were adopted. Clearly, skin colour played no role whatever in J’s concept of how to differentiate a biological child from an adopted one.

M and J’s drawings of our family and friends reflect our differences in pigmentation. They describe their own skin colour as peach and call mine brown. They refer to their paternal grandmother as being pink. Their friend Olivia is dark brown. If they’re trying to distinguish two friends with the same first name and don’t know their last names, they’ll resort to skin colour as often as hair colour or gender or height to describe them.

J's art indicates that she and I share the trait of having antennae instead of hair. She also correctly perceives my skin as being darker than hers.

J’s art indicates that she and I share the trait of having antennae instead of hair. She also correctly perceives my skin as being darker than hers.

J and M are themselves multi-racial, with two Bangladeshi British grandparents, one White (pink) American grandmother and one Mexican American grandfather. We live in a very diverse area of Central Texas, and at least two of their closest friends have Black fathers and White mothers.

J and M with their multi-coloured grandmothers, grandfather and parents.

J and M with their multi-coloured grandmothers, grandfather and parents.

Perhaps this post doesn’t even belong here. This blog is a discussion of multiculturalism. My point is that my girls don’t look at people through the same prism that I do, or that the world has for time immemorial. This post is about the erasure of the cultural assumptions that accompany race and ethnicity. My children have devised for themselves a singular colour-agnostic culture, rather than the complex of multiple cultures I perceive myself to be part of.

I think, though, it’s a huge stride towards truly being able to embrace multiple cultures in their full richness. Our children can judge cultural differences on their merits. Unlike the generations that came before, my daughters and their peers explore each others’ cultures without biases inherent in a pigmentation-based categorization of people.

And That’s How He Learned His Colors

14 Nov

You should have seen the look on my face when my four-year old walked into our house after school one afternoon and loudly exclaimed, “Mom guess what I am, I am brown!”

I was expecting him to come home and tell me what book he read at school or how many time outs he got at school but this I was not ready for. I quickly put on my curious cap on and began questioning him about what he was talking about and tried underplaying the comment by asking him if he ate chocolate, or dirt at school that probably made his mouth brown. But he quickly geared the conversation back to what he exactly meant to say which was, “Mama look at my hand and my face I am not white, I am brown.” I was surely not ready to have this conversation with him at 4. I had no fall back plans and no possible logical explanations for the future of where this conversation was heading.

In retrospect I might have overreacted a little in my head. My initial reaction was anger of course as to why and how this could have been introduced to him and who might have told him he was brown. But then of course I had to put on Mommy gear on and pretend like I was a grown up. I began doing some research on the how’s, when’s, where’s of introducing this very touchy matter of race to children. I have to admit that I went in with a lot of skepticism, but after reading a few very eye-opening articles on the matter I am happy to admit to myself and you that I am not as closed as I was when I my son accidentally forced me to visit the subject.

The crux of my initial reaction is rooted in my philosophy that children are colorblind and any initiation to the matter is environmentally derived. But you see I was wrong, there are tons and tons of research in the area, which disprove my theory. Children see differences around them from as little as six months old.  What made it take a positive spin for me was looking at it as just another social category. Imagine it just as a label to categorize people like we do with any other aspect in society. Children like to form patterns to fit into their life-learning puzzle. They see differences in hairstyles, heights, looks etc within their family members but they are all the same color, they make similar associations in other settings as well. When something does not fit the puzzle they notice the difference and move on. This is where our crucial role comes in as parents, the ability to let them move on without muddling their little heads with more differences and prejudices that we have as adults. It gives parents like me a positive spin on it. Not every aspect of race or color is negative.  Psychologically the word race prompts an immediate sense of discomfort. We as a society have dealt with so much history based on race that it only seems logical to be a little wary of it.

I grew up in a country where we were all brown and we were all Indians, but if you can imagine a whole color spectrum of shades of brown that is how many shades you had within that one country. A fairer shade of the same brown was considered supreme.  There is a whole cosmetic industry dedicated to creams that would make you fairer than the skin color you were born with. I am not condemning it.  My point of sharing this is that I am no alien to it even though I grew up in a country where everyone around me was the same race as me. An interesting incident comes to mind when I speak of India, a very close relative of ours remarked the minute she first laid eyes on our newborn son that he was not as fair-skinned as his parents were and that was alright because he had other beautiful traits in him that masked the lack of color. I was angry at that time, a mixture of new mom hormones and immaturity on my part I tried defending his color to her. But looking back I have to laugh at myself and wonder.

Why do we have such a love/hate relationship with the subject? Why do we cringe as a society every time it is brought out in the open? Why is it not polite dinner conversation? Why do we fear it so much? Is it because we harbor underlying prejudices of our own that we are too ashamed to face ourselves?

Lets be honest we all have opinions some strong some not so when it comes to this subject. I considered myself very liberal and often thought I was born in the wrong decade. I secretly live in the Hippie era and would love to have been raised a flower child but I am diverting.  As a parent you are put in very sticky circumstances that force you to reevaluate your foundations and what you stand for.

After several conversations with myself and reading a lot of material on it I have come to the conclusion that I will not whisk the matter under the carpet when my son wants to know more.  I will not give him reasons as to why it is OK for him to be the color he is or is not. I think we are what we are and the way we were intended to be.

Being brown or being white or being black or being yellow is all beautiful, we are just like the rainbow in all its glory, we live it and experience the beauty around us. If we were not all different imagine how dull life would be. And that, he needs to know as well.

I understand and am truly apologetic if this post caused any discomfort to any of you readers, but this is reality for me. I know we all have issues that we face as parents but I think an outside perspective on subjects like these make the job easier.

References: Children Are Not Colorblind; How Young Children Learn Race by Erin N. Winker who is a professor at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee

Renu Venkataraman: I was born and raised in Mumbai, India. I lived in Dallas, Texas for almost 15 years and worked as teacher for special needs kids for 10 of those years. I moved to Chengdu in September 2011 with my husband, two kids and our miniature dachshund Zen. I’m looking at motherhood under a very different light here in Chengdu. It has brought a sense of positivity and purpose to my life in many ways I can’t wait to experience and share with all you other Multicultural Moms.